what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
