Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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