I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
everyone is single if you try hard enough
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
