It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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