i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
