The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize