Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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