i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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