I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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