omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
