I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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