I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
