I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
