I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
