well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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