Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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