wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
