your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Tell her she can't have a vagina
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
