The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
