all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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