i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You took a bar mat shot.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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