my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I smell like Dick and happiness
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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