I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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