i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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