I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
