i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
