Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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