Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
