Porn is love you can see.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
