rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
