you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
