Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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