I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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