i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize