While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Randomize
