Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
me + whiskey = a bad person
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
