Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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