I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
