I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
