This is not my ceiling
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize