glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Randomize
