I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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