Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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