we have officially lost it.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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