She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
