felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
