Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
