plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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