shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize