Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
