So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
