you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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