so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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