what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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