Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
