if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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