You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
