piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
