i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
