Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
