this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
