Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
