If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize