there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
