i wish there were pregnant emoticons
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
