Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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