Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
