I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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