I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
