Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
